Tag Archives: RA

Moving [Forward]

It has been a very moving year for me so far. No, really- I have moved two and a half times; more on that in a moment. At the same time, I have come to see the importance of prioritization.

We had tried to sell our [spoiler alert] old house twice before putting it on the market earlier this year. Each time got more and more ridiculous. We got helpful feedback from the showings of our 2 bed 3 bath 1,300 square foot home, like, “I loved the house but my grand piano wouldn’t fit in the living room,” or, “we wanted a house with three bedrooms.” I admit it brought out my snarky side as well. I wanted to tell all those helpful people traipsing through my house that perhaps they should have read the description of the house before coming, among other things. So, I dreaded putting it on the market again, but for a number of reasons we needed the house to be sold. Two things made me resent the house after over five years: the commute to everywhere I go, and the stairs.

The commute was just ridiculous considering where we live. While most people here blanch at a 30 minute commute, my husband was driving over an hour and my commute to one of my barns was 45 minutes. It really took a toll. I also had a lot of fear as a result of that commute. I was afraid to go to the barn by myself since I might not be feeling well enough to drive back. It may sound crazy, but pain and fatigue make even little things that we take for granted move into the territory of scary things that make you cringe.

The stairs were even worse of a problem. Now I know this sounds odd since I try my hardest to keep riding my horse and run, but the stairs were my nemesis. I lost count of how many times my knees or ankles would give out, or how many times I fell trying to take laundry up the stairs. It was embarrassing and humiliating to have a set of stairs beat me. I managed, and some days were better than other, but I wanted to sell the house to escape the stairs of doom.

Since my husband’s grandfather had died, the house he had lived in was empty and we were given the opportunity to live there. Moving was terrible but since it meant we didn’t have to live in our house while it was on the market, we packed all our things and started the process. Moving is never easy, but ours was made all the more interesting by our new house being in the mandatory evacuation for the Black Forest fire. So we moved back out again (someday I will have to tell you that story…), and then once the fire was out, we were lucky to be able to move back in.  And, miraculously, our house sold in less than a week on the market. That was the first 1.5 moves.

But, we loved the new house. It was on 5 beautiful treed acres on a quiet, dead end, dirt road. It had space for my husband and me to have a work room, and still have two empty rooms to spare. It had a recently redone kitchen that I loved to bake in. We wanted to buy it, and long story short, we knew pretty quickly that would not happen. Especially not with the vague uncertainties about what my husband will do with his career once he finishes his degree. So we knew, that once again we needed to move. I couldn’t come up with a way to make it work financially.

Making that decision was more difficult than I can describe. I wanted so badly to stay in that house. It was perfect. It was our dream home. I didn’t have to face the stairs every day. Our commutes were shortened by over a third. I thought those were what mattered most. But what I learned through all this, was that priorities are sometimes more surprising and less obvious than we like to think.

We moved into base housing, and move number 2 came very suddenly. We moved with less than 5 days notice. But we made it. It isn’t a great commute to my husband’s job or one of my barns (it actually is very close to my old geezer horse’s barn though.), it isn’t large, it isn’t on lots of land, and it even has stairs, but it I love it.

It is comfortable, I can keep it clean (so far), I don’t have to face the stairs daily (the only thing in our basement is laundry and thankfully my husband helps with that), I can have my own work space, and it has beautiful views and many walking trails nearby. As I sit and type and look out my window at the mountains just after sunset, I now know that what matters to me is having a peaceful home. That means I am not afraid to do things like drive to my barn, and I still have a place that feels like home. I can have privacy, but the ease and security of a good community. I know I will still have good days and bad days, but I also know that I have home that isn’t a constant reminder of things I can’t do. Two and a half moves later I finally realized that was my top priority.

What matters most to you in a home? How do you know for sure? I am a very slow learner apparently, but I am beyond glad to finally be home! Sorry for the cheesy ending, but anyway, until next time, RAWR!!!

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Frigid Ramblings

Today I can’t seem to get warm which makes my body ache all over. But I am learning ways to cope. One of my favorites (that I can actually do at work- can’t go see Strider or Matt or pet the dog at work, and though I can sometimes knit it depends on the moment) is to look at the mountains. I am certainly lucky to live in a state with such awesome beauty. This morning the mountains are of course snow capped, giving the craggy peaks a frosted look. Then, the clouds above them were tinged in pale oranges and pinks against a light blue background. Below that though, a steely grey element is softened by light grey clouds wrapping the lower portions so only the tops of the peaks poke out. With a view like that it is hard not to feel a little better.

 The irony of it all is that I might not even notice the beauty I live with if it weren’t for pain or frustration pushing me to find an escape hatch. Odd that. Why is it that we seem to need a catalyst to notice the constant beauty? I know I can’t write a decent poem when everything in my life is going perfectly. I just can’t find any inspiration when nothing is out of place. But when there is an irritation I must find something, anything to escape the source of the irritation, even if that escape is just creatively focusing on that irritation and pretending it is happening to someone else. So I guess I am just a really good escape artist when it comes down it- a coward if I am honest though.  So I would never really be much of an artist if I wasn’t an escape artist. And though I don’t want to suggest an answer that is too easy to a problem that is far from it, perhaps there can at least be some solace in pain or frustration, or whatever it is that pokes and prods us into finally venting what becomes art.

 OK…rambling over. In the news: I am trying a new treatment. So far I have no clue if it helps. The first infusion made me tired beyond imagination, but other than that I have no assessment. I did get to joke around with an x-ray tech who was on temporary infusion patient baby sitting duty about the weird side effects of prednisone though and that was actually entertaining. It made the longer infusion time seem not very long at all. I love when medical people are honest and don’t look at you like a freak when you tell them about your experiences, so having her joke around with us about prednisone psychosis was really fun.

I have also started trailer shopping. I admit it makes me cringe to think about spending so much money but it will be so nice to not have to ask someone else when I want to take Strider or Vanya somewhere. Though I hope most of my showing this year will be with my barn, it will still be a load of my mind. Then we just need to get Matt a car so we aren’t putting miles on truck….one thing at a time.

It has been positively frigid here lately so I ride when it is warm enough and when I can’t ride I get the odd sensation of choosing what I will do with my time. I read a few books (they were amazing and gripping; I could hardly put them down. I love reading), have gotten a few knitting projects done, used our wii once or twice, and even seen Matt once or twice when we were both awake. I have to say the guilt of not riding eats away at me though making it harder to really enjoy. I need to be exercising more too but again…one thing at a time. Until next time….RAWR!!!!

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Guilty as Charged- Ambiguous

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”   -Winnie the Pooh

Please read this blog post from the Owl City blog entitled, “You are Braver than You Believe.” I have read it at least four times; I keep coming back to it because each time it catches me in a number of ways. Some are too hard for me to put into words, and some are probably nonsense, but after a rough few weeks…make that months….years….oh heck, I think if we are honest most of us don’t really have easy lifetimes at least in certain respects, it hits home every single time I read it.

First: the Winnie the Pooh quote. Don’t we all want a friend like that? A friend who is so close to us in spirit and in thought that they can see the words we need and speak them and even when they are apart, they are with us in our thoughts, memories, etc. by virtue of being such a part of us. I don’t want this to be a spiritual debate but I feel that if you have faith then of course this should be very much how faith is as well. Recently, upon realizing that a person I had very much counted as a friend really wasn’t one anymore, made me really think on friendship and how it should be. Shouldn’t our friends respect and honor us? Support us but be willing to tell us when we aren’t behaving as we should? No friend will ever be perfect; I know that, but I think at least sometimes we all need someone who sees us better than we can see ourselves to give us a reality check and someone who can cheer us on without condemnation when we are losing perspective. I hope I am that friend to my friends…

The rest of the post is where I become rather convicted. I know that there are so many things in my life right now I am struggling to change, to fix, to improve. I get impatient with my situation; I get tired of fighting battles that, when I am honest about it, I know will not end or if they will, it won’t be soon. I get tired of pain and struggle. And before I know it, I am wishing things were different. It is so easy to lose sight of the opportunities I do have, and the blessings and the reasons for hope. One thought acts like a spark in the middle of a field of dry grass- it is rapidly out of control. And yet it is a waste of energy I am ridiculously short on in the first place and often such thoughts pull me into not wanting to try- to just give up. I know- not a pretty picture.

So what does it come down to? I don’t have a perfect solution unfortunately; I wish I did. But I keep coming back to this blog post- how preposterous is it for me to wish for things to be the way I want rather than the way they are? Who am I to think I have a right to these things I don’t have? What should I focus on? What should I do? What do I actually have the power to control? Why would I have been better off if things were different? How can I presume that?

I won’t say it is easy- I will readily admit that if someone told me that there was a moment in life that tipped the scales as it were and made me get RA, or that I could prevent the accident that changed my sister’s life forever, or any number of other moments, and gave me the chance to go back and make everything different, I probably would jump at the chance. Even though I know it wouldn’t really make me content. But I guess all that is to say that peace, hope, and contentment- they all come when I embrace the life I have instead of fighting it. I just wish I could remember that more often.

So….today here are some things that are blessings for me- to remind me why things shouldn’t be different. In no particular order:

-My husband: and not just because I am married to him and think I need to put him on the list. There are too many reasons to list.

-My true Friend: because there are so few people who get so much about me and don’t think I’m bonkers (or if she thinks I’m bonkers she still seems to like me anyway lol)

-My Family: I include really all my family in this (it is a rather funky and odd family believe me…) as they have either supported me in the past or are supporting me and cheering me on now.

-My Horses: I can’t believe I have TWO still and they are both the best ever. Vanya was my companion growing up and Strider…well…hard to put into word but I will just say he is amazing.

-My Cat and Dog: because when I am not able to do much at all they can still make me smile and feel a tiny bit better.

-Knitting and spinning: few other activities can hold my attention as well, make me patient, and somehow produce something anyone else would want to use! And there is something therapeutic about fiber that can make even the worst pain or stress fade…

-Faith: I am blessed to have a Savior who cares about me, forgives my failures, and shows me by example how it’s done.

-Good Doctors: I have some amazing doctors working to reduce pain, prevent damage, etc. They also take the time to listen to me and make sure we are working towards the same goals.

 I know this was a bit of a deviation from the usual more news type of post, but it had been swimming in my head for a while and finally I decided I should just post it already. Well, until next time…..RAWR!!!

 

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Ramblings

Blame….some of my co-workers were talking about perceived medical malpractice this morning (I say perceived because I think it is probably arguable whether the situation in question would have been malpractice but I am not a lawyer…just skeptical of following crowds I guess.) and it started me thinking- a dangerous occupation I know. It made me wonder why we so often want to look for someone or something to blame for bad things. My co-workers were suggesting that when anesthesia fails that the anesthesiologist should always be sued. I questioned this since I doubt we even fully understand how some chemicals operate, why should we blame the anesthesiologist for a failing that was possibly chemical? It seems like they were wanting to shoot the messenger. How often do we place blame without really thinking about the situation? And what about forgiveness? What role does forgiveness play in situations of negligence? What about situations of misconduct?

 What blame do we place in RA? I don’t think I have any answers to that question right now, but it is an interesting question. If we choose to place blame, where are we putting it? At the very least maybe we should be more aware of when we are placing blame. Just a random thought.

 In other news I actually did make it to the gym yesterday. And just like the first cut being the deepest, the first mile is the most painful; after that I start to remember how to run. I only did a  very short run due to time constraints and having a few remaining shreds of sanity, but I am at least glad I made myself get out and run again. Eventually I will be better off because of it- maybe not this morning, but eventually.

 I also went and rode Strider last night. We just had a relaxing evening playing around in the outdoor. I wasn’t feeling ambitious enough to jump since it was his first time in that outdoor arena since he showed at this barn once earlier this year, but we just took it easy and rode around with no real goal in mind. It was super relaxing and resulted in some of the best work we have done in ages of course. He really was fantastic, considering it was dusk and his second time in that arena. He was a little looky at first, but settled in very quickly and seemed to enjoy being outside for a change. I did something drastic last night though- I shortened my stirrups. I will see what my trainer says when she sees them, but I have been driven nuts by me recent tendency, only in my dressage saddle, to pull my heels up. So, on a hunch, I shortened my stirrups and instantly the problem was mostly corrected. I felt way better. I guess I am still a jumper rider at heart wanting my nice short stirrups. I am totally loving the new barn. Maybe it’s a honeymoon phase, but I love that my horse is looked after so carefully, the barn owner even let me know when she accidentally made a mistake in my horses feed and later realized it and told me what she had done to correct it. Boarding with my trainer is fantastic because I can involve her in more decisions and that makes me feel better about so many things. I want what is best for my horse so having a more educated person helping me means a lot. It was wonderful to be able to get her opinion on his weight and what dietary changes we may consider making once he is more settled. (And it was vindicating for her to tell me he isn’t fat- one or two people had told me he looks fat and I have never thought he was. He is supposed to be large!). I have been around horses my whole life but never had a horse as challenging to keep as Strider and really have quite a lot to learn. Having someone to help me through that process is a relief.

 Tonight is a night off for Strider though. Vanya is getting his shots and it will be a knitting and psych night. Maybe I will even bake something. We’ll see. First, I need to get to the gym over lunch again…

 Hope you enjoyed the random ramblings today. Well, until next time….RAWR!!!

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Grooming and RA

This weekend I got to do one of my favorite things- I groomed at a horse show. I absolutely love being involved in horse shows and helping people, being around the horses and seeing them perform, all without the mental stress of my actually being in the show. I still love showing, but grooming gives me a different kind of joy and thrill; one that I don’t want to give up. But I am paying for my weekend in the currency of pain today; I always do, but it is so incredibly worth it!

I also usually end up answering questions from people who don’t know me as well- things like: “Are you ok? You are walking funny,” or “What do you mean you have arthritis? You are too young for that.” In short, not only do I get reminded that I have RA but other people often can tell too and they ask questions. That can be a good thing but I know I fall short in answering people sometimes. I often minimize my symptoms or disease because I don’t want people to think I can’t do things or that I need help. I also see the attitudes of others who do know me towards my disease. Some horse people I am around want to treat me differently and help me out, tell me what I should and shouldn’t do, what might help, in short they go into what I think of as the bubble mode. Some people want to keep me from experiencing my disease by trying to cure me and prevent me from doing things. Others minimize the disease saying I can do anything, I don’t look sick, it is all in my head, if I would just change my attitude, be more positive, etc. everything would be fine. I think of this attitude as the minimization mode; these people want to prevent me from experiencing the disease by trying to make it disappear. I honestly find both sets of attitudes frustrating even though I know they both come from people who just don’t know what to do with chronic disease and want to help. And really I will admit I don’t know what to do with the reality of disease any better than they do, but I feel that by being matter of fact about the reality of it I am at least not fooling myself. It isn’t negative attitude, it is simply truth. But what I don’t know how to do is help others see that, help others to be matter of fact about it, and help others to allow me to feel things out. I don’t want to hide that I have a disease, and let’s face it, I couldn’t if I wanted to- my bag with a dozen or so prescriptions in it (I leave a couple at home ha-ha) and my morning stiffness would be a dead giveaway to anyone with ears and eyes. So, I guess all of that is to say- I hope all the horsey people bear with me on this- I will me patient too, and hopefully someday I can explain things so we can all understand. Until then though, if you know someone with a chronic disease or disability, my best thought on how to react to it is this: the person isn’t the disease so you can talk to them about it openly- really. And when it is uncomfortable because the person admits they have pain or embarrassing difficulties it is ok to just admit you don’t know what to say or do. Honesty is always good. I am sure there are thousands of opinions on this, but….my .02.

One thing I did find very inspiring this weekend though was watching a para-equestrian compete! She was a grade II and an absolutely beautiful rider. Talk about humbling and inspiring to see her lifted onto her horse and then go out there and ride movements I can only dream of with my horse! She really is amazing and it was a privilege to get to see her ride.

Next Saturday I have another schooling show. Strider has had a lot of time off lately (for him… for some horses it wouldn’t be considered much time off but he normally gets no more than two consecutive days off…) but I am hoping it will be good for him. It will be our last schooling show before we submit scores for CSDA year end awards and before Strider and I get a bunch of lessons with an amazing trainer. I can hardly wait for the lessons as I am dreaming of someday doing 1st level with Strider and really doing well at it. This year we have done all training level and I am not sure who is more desperate to move on- Strider or me! But neither of us is ready, so we keep working at it….someday….and before that someday hits I have to find reins that I can consistently hold. That has been my struggle this whole year; right now I have electrical tape blobs on my reins but that probably won’t be allowed at any USEF recognized shows without a dispensation so I need to figure something else out. Not to mention that the blobs are NOT at all unobtrusive. So….things to work on over the winter.

Matt gets home from training tomorrow. I can’t wait! Not sure how long he will be home but I will enjoy it while I can. Hopefully that will give me more time to blog again even! So, until next time- RAWR!!!

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Progress!

Plot material: I cannot see in the dark. At all. My eyes just don’t adjust right and don’t allow enough light in for me to be able to see. That makes doing things at the barn at night a little weird sometimes. I am used to turning my horse back out to pasture in the dark- I know the path well know. I only crashed into a massive dirt pile and then fell in a pit once. Then I learned the safe route. I can handle that. One of my biggest challenges though was dealing with my saddles. They are getting heavy for me, especially after riding and taking care of my horse and a day of work. So,  one of the hardest parts of my day was taking my saddle (whichever one I was using) out to my car at night in the dark and trying to get it in my car without destroying it all the while having coyotes howling in my ear…seriously. I think the local coyote population must think I am extremely entertaining. My jumping saddle wasn’t so bad. My dressage saddle I admit was really annoying- it just didn’t fit well anywhere in my car (dressage saddle of course has super long flaps and doesn’t seem to like the back seat of my bug or the trunk…). So finally, one night I told Matt I had pretty much had it with trying to carry my put my heavy saddle in the car in the dark while getting howled at by coyotes. He did agree that the situation was a bit absurd but just leaving the saddles loose in the barn, even in a locked tack room, worried me a bit as when I put both my saddles in my car, they more than double its value. And I have no way of replacing them really as I got insanely good deals on both of them- so I take good care of those two!

 So, yesterday my brand new tack locker was installed. It is monstrously huge and I love it. It was so nice to walk out of the barn last night without a saddle in tow and not worry about it. The locker still needs some finishing touches, but already it is a vast improvement. I will owe my husband big time for a while- since he isn’t fantastic at reading instructions I think he may have built the entire locker twice before all was said and done. He is getting a pair of socks though…not sure if a pair of hand knitted socks is an even trade for a tack locker.

 Strider and I had a good ride last night for the most part. He had some moments of tension but is greatly improved for the most part. I think that taking his flash noseband off was the right thing to do as he has been much quieter with his mouth without it- irony for you there. I loosened his regular noseband a hole as well and he seems pretty happy with the whole arrangement. He is still not perfect, but aside from his walk trot transitions and the occasional trot to canter transitions we can string together a pretty solid and consistent training level test. Last night I rode through both our tests once from memory and aside from forgetting where a walk transition was in each test they really went very well. Our stretchy chewies are much better- I am remembering to keep impulsion now, and Strider is maintaining his stretch better. Our transition back to working trot is improving though Strider still gets just a bit tight. But I know it will come.

 Thanks to modern medicine (read drugs- thank you piroxicam and tylenol) I am feeling a bit better today. I am planning on sticking some electrical tape on a couple strategic places on my reins tonight to see if it helps me grip them better, though I am hoping tonight or tomorrow I can take Strider up to the outdoor arena and enjoy hopping over some cross-rails and 2’ fences.  We could both use a fun night this week to relax before the show (even schooling shows spazz me!).

 Tonight when I get home pad washing will begin since it takes a couple days for my Mattes pad to dry, even in our dry Colorado air. I hope someday I can save up for a second one so I don’t have to use my jumping half pad for my dressage saddle most of the week before a show- I am realizing that could make for an interesting summer. My white breeches are pretty well clean and I just need to run my white pad through the washer one more time, then clean my boots since I neglected to do that after the last show (usually I clean them right away but I was lazy). I will probably clean my helmet better this time too as the interior could use a good scrub after not getting cleaned most of the winter. One of these days I need to make sure the Velcro on my white polo wraps is in the right place as I strongly doubt it is- I have the worst luck with that. I may give Strider a bath tomorrow as it should be warm enough and he hasn’t had one in ages since it has been so cold. I will at least wash his tail. Friday would be the day I would prefer to do it but I am sure it will be too cold. So, I will rinse his blankets off, then dry them and clean him up a bit and see what I can do. So much to do.

 Definitely will need plenty of caffeine to get through the next few days! I have an extra horse to ride while her owner is gone, and Aubrey will be gone too so I will be getting a lesson on Mo hopefully and doing her chores out at Pat’s (our trainer)  for her. Hopefully by doing her chores I can give the extra lesson I will earn to Jennifer and see if she likes my trainer. If she does maybe I can figure out a way to make something work on that front longer term as I think that would be good. Need to figure out who she would ride too…all kinds of things going on.

 

So, progress in all sorts of ways! Below is a random picture because I have been trying to get pictures up for a while and links seem to be the most space effective way…  Until next time…..RAWR!!!

http://i335.photobucket.com/albums/m472/valeskadavis/DSC03397.jpg 

                                                

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She Shoots- She Scores!

 Ok, so not quite…I have never played basketball, or soccer, or anything like it in my life. If the game involves a ball, I probably can’t play it, I seem to be magnetized to balls; by that I mean balls repel me. Where the ball is, I won’t be. That doesn’t work well except for dodge ball. But, in order to “get a goal” you have to have one. Therein lies the rub.

I look at the girls that ride my older horse, Vanya; they both have some pretty awesome goals. Jennifer wants to get to our local Dressage Championships next year at Training level. It is a great goal. It’s achievable as after riding the horse for times she got a score that was within 3% of the score needed to qualify. So, given a few months she should be well on track to get that extra 3% that she needs, and probably more. She is planning how she will reach the goal; what memberships she needs and how much money she needs to save for shows, what equipment she needs, and what shows would make sense to attend. She is also taking more concrete action and riding and taking lessons to get the improvement she needs. She has an achievable short term goal of getting a score that would be a qualifying score (60%), and is taking steps to get there.

Similarly, Nicole, who also rides Vanya, wants to be able to show in Jumpers rather than Hunters next year. The lowest jumper division height is 2’3”-2’6” and since I am helping her, I am asking that she be jumping at least 2’9” comfortably at home before she does 2’6” at a show. Again, this is a great goal; she is working hard towards it and making good progress. She rides every chance she gets and is putting in the work she needs to achieve her goal. In fact, in her ride last night she did a course that was entirely 2’3”-2’6” very well. She even took her first oxer set at 2’3”!

However, I am not doing as well. I would love to improve my dressage scores with Strider, but I don’t really have a clear goal on it. And once I improve my dressage scores at First Level, what then? I don’t have the skills for Second level and I know that (I mean hey, I barely have the skills for First!) I want to jump bigger jumps, specifically I want to get to 4’, but I seem stuck at 3’9” and don’t have a plan to get past that. I want to get more consistent lessons, but again, seem somewhat stuck as far as finding a trainer I am happy working with and can afford and get my horse and I in contact with regularly. I am making more progress on that front than on some others, but still am nowhere near reaching that goal. If I want to get somewhere with my riding I should probably set some clear, well thought out, achievable goals. I am debating trying to qualify for local Dressage Championships at First Level with Strider next year, but can’t make up my mind as Jumping is still a priority. Any ideas? Please feel free to comment if you have any good ideas on good goals as I am open to suggestions.

All that being said, I realized where one of my big problems with RA has been lurking like the glass of milk you forgot in your guest bathroom last week. (You can smell it but can’t for the life of you figure out where it is…get my drift?) My Rheumatologist and I don’t have the same goals. My goals for me with regards to my RA are being mostly pain free most days, having energy, being able to sleep through an entire night without waking up because I have to change positions, and preventing as much joint damage as possible. My measurement of that is simple, do I hurt today? Do I have the energy to ride my horse and go for a run? Did a get a good nights sleep recently? Are my joints popping? Can I set my elbows on a padded elbow rest without pain? Can I stand up after sitting for twenty minutes without pain? Lately the answers to all of these questions have suggested that I am definitely not reaching my goals. I have called my doctor, since he is over an hour away, and talked to his voicemail and his assistants about it. We tried a burst of corticosteroids, we have increased my methotrexate dosage (and can I say that I really wish my hair would stay ON my head?), and neither approach has worked. I told him this and gave him a suggestion provided by my wonderful GP…his assistant simply said, “You will have to wait until your next appointment for the doctor to look at your joints.” Interesting; I admit, the not very charitable part of me wanted to say, “Go hold onto an electric fence for a day, imagine feeling like that all the time, and then tell me I should wait. And I’ll tell the doctor how my joints are- red, swollen, inflamed, painful and stiff.” But, I am not that uncharitable or rude I promise, so instead I said, “Isn’t there something we can do before my appointment?” Basically pleading with her. She said no. So I learned that my doctor has different goals than I do, and that is part of my problem with RA. I plan on addressing this at my next appointment, as I know, not all my goals are entirely reasonable, but at least we could try to get on the same page. And how else can you possibly reach a goal if you don’t set it in the first place?

 So, sorry if today’s post was a bit of a downer, but I hope it might be enlightening…I prefer entertaining, but I suppose enlightening will do the trick. Until next time, RAWR!

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